Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
