Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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