Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
