I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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