my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
