Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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