I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
