i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
