So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
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He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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