I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
