This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
