So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
