The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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