i permit you to call me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
