I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
