moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
