Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
