My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Randomize
