I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
