Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
