it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
