I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
