my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
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This beer is not sobering me up at all
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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