In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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