Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
