Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
