that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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