this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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