wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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