and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
