it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
