Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
