Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
