the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
