Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
