I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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