I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
