drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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