I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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