But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
