You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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