I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
