so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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