My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize