Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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