Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
