Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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