apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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