I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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