You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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