I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
