piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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