so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
