So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
