Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
