if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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