My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
