Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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