I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
