if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
