Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
