Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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