awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
