Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
