census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
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I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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