dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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