The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
