it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
